I’m often misquoted with giving people he idea that we should “control” our feelings, which is entirely not the message I want to get across.
In today’s podlet, I discuss the idea of “hurting someone’s feelings”. What does it mean. It is obvious what it means to hurt someone right? If I pinch your arm, it hurts you, if I call you a name it hurts you … same thing right?…maybe, maybe not
An emotion can only continue to live within you if you continue to fuel it. Left it’s own course an emotion will come in like a wave, and go out like wave in it’s own natural course. Unless, you continue to hold on to it. You can keep re-playing the action that caused the emotion, or other memories of similar instances in your mind over and over to hold the emotion close to you.
One example that comes to my mind is the day I installed my first dishwasher. It was one of those internal dishwashers, I never tried this before, and I had a terrible time trying to get it to work right. It probably took me like 8 hours to do a 2 hour job. But after I got it working right, I felt awesome. so accomplished that I could do this “thing”. For the next few days I would think of the dishwasher, remind myself of it, and regain that ‘good feeling’ that ‘proud feeling’ of what I had done.
Unfortunatly, we can do this for negative emotions too. Perhaps someone says something hurtful, and you remind yourself of other times your were hurt, or sad to hold onto that emotion and let it build up greater and greater inside you.
Now, there is a difference between “intentional hurt” and “accidents” right?. We don’t feel the same way when someone in a rush pushes us by mistake or in a crowed area, as if they pushed us out of anger. We treat these things differently.
So that automatic re-action, the emotion we feel when something occurs, this is natural, this is normal. Everyone feels it. I think some of us may feel it with more intensity then others. In general I suspect kids feel it with more itensity and this intensity grows smaller as they grow older. Also, as a general rule, I suspect women feel things more intensely then men.
So wether or not someone steps on your toe, calls your a name, or your find out someone is talking about your behind your back. These things may in fact trigger your emotional response. But once you starting holding on to that emotion, once your start drumming up past memories, and re-living the feeling over and over in your mind, this is where choice comes into the equation. You choose to hold on to your emotions, activily keeping them in the front of your mind to experiance over and over. This is where the “other persons” responsibility ends, and your responsibility begins.
If someone stepped on your toe at a crowed concert, the pain would come and fade way quickly, but if you hold on to anger and resentment through out the whole concert. If you stiffen your face and give cold looks to that person, if you meet them after the concert and give them ‘a peice of your mind’. This is your responsibility, your choice, your action. The other person is not responsible for this – you are.
That’s my 2 cents anyway.
